The big fat indian wedding!!

I couldn’t have found a better day to write about a wedding…its 07.07.07. destiny's date:)
Although my experience from the past week.

It was a cousin sisters marriage. Staying out of home all these years meant not meeting her for the past 7 years although as kids we got lots of time together .

Marwari weddings are long, elongated affairs. Soaked in customs and rituals they continue almost forever. Even for the slightly extended family it involves at least 3 days, for the immediate family it can mean at least 15 days of action besides 150 days of preparation . not to mention the average 2.5 years spent looking for a groom/bride.

If an American reads this he’ll be horrified. He/she can do the cycle in 2 weeks and maybe get on to another cycle in 6 months. Cultural snides apart, "to each his own”. Right and wrong are too complex and ambiguous to be defined . as long as you live a life you love nothing else matters.personally I wont mind being an Indian or an American or anyone in between [ Indians and Americans here are faulty over generalizations of attitude towards relationships , individuals within cultures differ a lot more than individuals across culture ]

Another salient feature is residency. Unlike other weddings in city where you come on the wedding night greet ,eat,gift,escape it’s a little more difficult here. Your endurance will be tested over many days. lol. you have to stay in a "dharamsala" where all elements of family who can be fused together will be thrown in. the arrangement itself is fun. Around 7 meals a day.lots of chat. Interrupted by a morning nap,afternoon siesta and a long nights sleep.:) words become scant to describe the lethargic levels prevalent ..lol….though its one of those time when happiness instead of a goal becomes an ongoing event ...:)

There is one thing I absolutely love about marwari weddings. My 5 “10” is almost the tallest in most cases as our impoverished times in 19th century rajasthan exercise a genetic remote control. Although with increasing prosperity the situation is changing but as of now 6 feet is very uncommon.

In a Punjabi wedding I would have been a pygmy.as if to remind me of our geographical location in the Punjabi heartland a heavily “punjabified” number from “jhoom barabar jhoom” started playing. I wondered at the surreality of the whole situation. A marwari enclave within a Punjabi homeland . Punjabi homeland itself surrounded by jat lands.
Further surrounded by cow belt. And if we remove the semantic walls, human beings surrounded by human beings.

I strayed a little. I found a guy whom I had met some 10 years back. He pulled me in a photograph with 4 of his friends/relatives. Instantly I was immortalized in Eastman Kodak’s discovery along with 4 guys I never knew and in all reasonable probability will never meet again. And they will be answering a lifetime of “who’s this guy” answers with a long long explanation every time until Alzheimer’s or old age decimates their neural numbers…lol


The only person I knew really well was my own mausi/masi . so i literally kept hanging by her pallu as any deviations caused bouts of agoraphobia and potential anomie. Moreover identification was a lot easier with her around. I had to say 10 lines to make any sense she had to say one “he’s my nephew” . instantly I found a place on the family hierarchy and was quickly given something to eat as if to express approval.

Mausi told me that by the virtue of being my youngest brother her 3 year old will sit behind me on the white mare.(we have a custom where a small kid wears a matching sherwani like the groom and stays stuck to him during all the wedding days , like a younger reflection…thankfully he doesn’t come on the honeymoon…lol….i was the little boy in 3 weddings )

I told her that although the idea was good but she shouldn’t be rushing for sherwani size . he’ll be atleast 12 or 15 by the time he actually gets to sit in my wedding . mausi gave the “raised eyebrow-rolling eye” look.

As a concession he can wear a spiderman or superman costume instead of the sherwani J

I found a bald , intense kid walking around very purposefully. 23 purposeless years have made me antagonistic towards purposefulness.

So I picked him up and turned him around. He started walking in the opposite direction. Realizing his folly he turned back and came back towards me in slow measured step. I tried the old trick but he turned back. I picked him again and this time turned him 360 degrees instead of 180. his bald half moon head could not pick the right signals and he took the wrong direction. I lost interest.


On the dinner counter I found a 8 yr old girl struggling to finish one 300 ml glass of water. Always ready to boast I threw in the gauntlet.

Me- “ I can drink 5 of these”

Lil girl – “you cant”

Me- “I can”

Lil girl- “go ahead, im watching, if you break you promise you will be consumed by fires from the heavens above “

Trapped, and wary of heavenly fury I picked up a glass cursing myself and my big mouth. 1….2………..3…………………..4…………………………………..5.

The speed kept slowing but I finally managed . the lil girl started clapping . two sidey kids passing by joined in the clapping without understanding the significance of the moment :)

This sudden inflow of inexpensive water forced me to redraw my wedding dinner optimization plans. So as to maintain margins and preserve value chains I was forced to skip relatively cheaper main course and directly devour the more expensive desserts.

I quickly laid a siege of the dessert counter. As soon as it opened my longer hands ensured that I got a larger portion of everything than the miscreant kids who were standing around me.

Mausi then started telling me something that nani had told mama and she was telling me. “marry any caste but marry within our own religion”. i marvelled at the range opened up…lol
In characteristic shahrukh style I told her (in hindi) “ hum jeete ek baar hai, marte ek baar hai aur pyar bhi ek hi baar hota hai” ( we live once , die once and fall in love just that one time) …lol “rolling eyes-raised eyebrow “ look was “in” again.


I buffered my argument with a philosophic (again in hindi)" the only kind of love that exists is the love of human being for another, and love for a nation and the world. It’s the qualities of the head and the heart and not ephemeral labels that will decide anything for me :)" she started laughing:):)



notes:

mausi/masi : mother's sister

nani : maternal grandmother

mama: mother's sister

sherwani:indian ethnic wear ,grooms dressing in marriage

punjabi:ethnic indian group originating in punjab,mainly found in north india

jat : a community living in outer delhi, western up,rajasthan ,haryana

marwari:ethnic community from rajasthan,moved out after great droughts in 19th century,mainly involved in trading activities.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marwaris

pallu: edge of saree